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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Seduction


This word rings different bells in each of our heads. However, for me I am learning the things that I am seduced by. Seduction isn’t merely a woman seducing a man. We are seduced by many things, media, music, books, TV, stories, products, shoes, purses, and technology. The list could go on. We are seduced. It is up to us whether or not we choose to acknowledge that and if we are willing to look at what we are seduced by. I am realizing that my greatest seduction is perfection, everything being right. I am constantly seduced by the concept of everything being perfect, my life, my hair, my makeup, the things I do, my school work, ministry, the way I set things up, the way I write things, how I talk, how I present myself, how I help people. I am seduced by this thing called perfectionism. It looks beautiful, fulfilling, meaningful and wonderful from a distance. However, once you buy into the lie. It is like poison. It runs through your veins in a vicious way, devouring every ounce of grace in your life. You become consumed by everything needing to be perfect. I am addicted to the chase of perfection. It is an exhausting, draining and never-ending chase. It may not kill you physically, but emotionally and spiritually it begins to kill you slowly. It eats away at your joy, your hope, your freedom, the gift of life that we have each and every day, the mercies of the Lord that are new with each day, the grace God gives us and it takes away from the fact that the only perfect part of life is God. He is a perfect God. We are not perfect and He does not call us to perfection. Yes, He calls us to strive with all that we have to serve and glorify Him, but not perfectly, simply whole-heartedly. I am learning that when I try to make everything perfect I short change my God. I tell Him that He is not needed, that I am in control and that I can do it all perfectly. Instead of leaving me and walking away from me, He gently waits. He waits to help me, to mend the broken pieces that I create in my crazy addiction of achieving perfection. He gently reminds me that it is in my imperfection that He shines through and is seen as the perfect and loving God, that in my weakness He is made strong. That is a hard concept for me. I don’t like to think of myself as weak. That word defines something that our culture, our peers, our families, they all tell us it is not okay. We are told to be strong, to hang in there, to keep fighting, to keep going. However, I believe it is ok for us to stop in our moment of brokenness, of hurt, of betrayal, of sin, of weakness, to stop being strong and to allow Him to be made strong, allow Him and all His grace, redemption and mercy to shine through. I am learning that there is no other way to face life than allowing our God to be strong, to be our strength, because it is that strength that speaks loudly to the world because it is incomprehensible.

So today, I don’t know what you are seduced by, there are many things for each of us and perfection is only one of mine, but it is a HUGE one, it is the one that I am having to surrender in prayer not every day, but throughout the day, because it is there lingering in everything I do. My hope is that we can be honest with ourselves and with the people in our lives that we trust and love. That we can share what seduces us, what entices us, because when we realize and acknowledge what it is we can begin to seek freedom, freedom in Christ, freedom to be weak so that God can be who He is, strong and mighty, just and loving, forgiving and restoring.


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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Home


I am realizing that home is more than a place…it truly is where your heart is…my heart is in Africa, in Zimbabwe, but more than that Rob is becoming my home. I am realizing that this beautiful place Zimbabwe will always be my physical home, but the feeling of home is with Rob. I am at home when I am with him and for this I am thankful. I am thankful because I know that no matter where in the world the Lord has us or calls us, whether it is here in Zimbabwe our home or a foreign land somewhere else, Rob is home for me and that as long as we are together we can make another place “home”.

I have really been thinking about life in three different countries and it has been a lot of hard processing for me, I deeply wish that the very different but very special three worlds in which I live could all collide in a beautiful way. I wish my wonderful American friends could see the beauty of the place that I call home, I wish my family could return to the place that they call home too. This season is a hard one for me if I am completely honest. I daydream of what it could be like having my bestest friends be here in Africa with me, to grow old together, to see each other get married, to watch each other have children and create a family, to laugh together, to cry together, to pray together, to worship together, to do life together, just like we do now.

I never thought it was true that the friends you make in college will be your friends forever…well here I am…knowing full well that that is true…that the girls that I have been with for the past three years are the friends that will be in my life forever, if we are a couple continents away and some 32,000miles away…they are my life friends, my heart friends, my soul sisters. I love all of you deeply and am so thankful for the blessing of true friendship. Thank you for creating home for me when I am far away from my physical home as well as my emotional home, Rob. Thank you for being my home away from home.


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Summer Surprises

I love surprises, whether small or big, I think they are great!!! J I am so happy that I got to surprise my amazing fiancĂ©. I arrived home three days earlier than he was expecting me to and the look on his face and his very high pitched scream of excitement were priceless!!!! I love seeing him overjoyed and happy. This was a beautiful moment! I am excited for this summer and all that the Lord has for us, for ministry, and for friends and family. May this summer be filled with many more sweet surprises…


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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Airports and Africa



I made it! I have been traveling for three days to Zimbabwe…three plane rides and four different countries and here I am…home! Along my journey there were many mixed emotions partly to do with what I wrote about previously in The End Of Junior Year… the other part was filled with great excitement and then the other part was wonder and mystery…just as I was on a journey, there were thousands of other people all on journeys at the same time as me. I was filled with wonder as to where they could be going, are they travelling alone or together, are they happy or are they sad, are they tired or is this just the beginning part of their journey….so many thoughts. Anyway I wanted to know…I wanted to know their journey, their story and then I wondered why this was important to me and I realized that I wanted to know their story, their journey is a part of their story in one way or another, but I was deeply desiring to know their stories. See the importance of story has become so evident in my life over this past year…there is power in your story…there is pain, beauty, redemption, grace, healing, abounding joy, grief, whatever it may be…your story has meaning. I never believed that my story had meaning, because all I felt with my story was a whole lot of shame and guilt and those emotions are lies and tools from the enemy, I knew that, I just didn’t believe it. However, over this past year I have had to share my story time and time again, as a leader within my campus community. The first time I ever shared my life story in full was on an 11day-hiking trip in the wilderness with a group of fellow leaders whom I hardly knew. The next morning after sharing my story I had the most amazing quiet time with the Lord where He reminded me that my story was not about me and my decisions, both good and bad, but that it was about HIM that it was about His Redeeming Love, His mercies, His grace, and that it was all for His glory and that when I share my story it is only one of the many examples of how good of a God He is and that HE changes lives.

So what is your story? What are the parts of your story that you are ashamed of? What are the parts of your story that you are proud of? I believe that your story has meaning and that God can use it to show His glory wherever and with whomever you choose to share your story with. So I challenge and encourage you to start sharing your story. It has meaning!


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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The End of Junior Year



As the end of another school year dawns on me…there are many mixed emotions that I feel. I am filled with excitement and joy at the thought of leaving for Zimbabwe in a few days…the excitement and joy there is in seeing my amazing man and spending three whole months together over joys my heart. I can’t wait to be there serving the Lord with him, laughing with him, talking with him, loving him and simply soaking up each and every sweet moment with him.

Although there is a huge amount of sweetness ahead, there is also this bitterness that lies in this up coming season, not a resentment type of bitterness but rather a bitter-sweetness. As this year comes to an end, I only have one more year until I have my Social Work degree and until I return home, those two things fill my heart with great excitement. However, there are some goodbyes that lie ahead. I have spent three(soon to be four) growing, challenging and beautiful years at APU with some amazing people that will forever be a part of my life. However, some will not and I will be saying goodbye and even the ones that will, it doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier. I remember the very first time I left Zimbabwe and someone said to me the goodbyes will get easier each time, oh how they were so wrong. The goodbyes on both sides of the world get harder and harder each time. My life seems filled with goodbyes, well I guess more like see you laters, but boy oh boy are they extremely hard see you laters. Having three countries in the world that have some very special people, is a hard place to be, Zimbabwe, England and America. Zimbabwe and the people that are there, my Rob, is my home, it is the place my heart yearns for. England has my very precious family, my mum and my brothers. America has the place I have developed my skills, passions, and where I have made the most wonderful girlfriends that I get to do life with each and everyday. We have walked through heartaches, deaths, family separations, betrayals, as well as great achievements, jobs, celebrations, awards, leadership opportunities, and huge God moments in each of our lives. These girls have become more than my friends they have become my sisters, my family. Then there are the woman that have poured into my life in ways that I could never have imagined or dreamed of, that have gone to doctors appointments with me, sat by me in the hospital, had lunches and coffee dates with me, have walked through trying times and rejoicing times, these woman have been salt and light in my life, they have sat quietly with me and they have spoken words of truth over me. They are woman that have been used by God to continually shape and mold me.

I know I still have a year ahead of me filled with great moments but this past weekend I went to watch some of my beautiful friends graduate and got to partake in the bitter-sweetness of that moment with them and my heart for the first time truly felt the weight of the season that lies ahead for me. It’s not a negative weight or a negative season, it truly is a bitter-sweet one, which is beautiful. You see there wouldn’t be any problem if this was hard because it was negative, the difficulty lies in that this is beautiful that the relationships I have in many parts of the world are deep and real and genuine and that that is why saying goodbyes is hard, because we have some special. I am so very blessed to know and be known by all these beautiful people. I am blessed to have something to grieve over saying goodbye to. I am blessed that walking out of one season and into another is both beautiful and extremely hard. I am blessed because my life is deeply enriched through all of these moments I have shared and will continue to share with people over the next year and then the years that are still to come too. I am blessed.

Thank you God for beautiful people, for beautiful moments, and for beautiful seasons. Thank you that the bitter-sweetness of life is a beautiful and hard thing and thank you that I have an enriched life through the people that you have brought my way. Thank you that as we embark on another part of this journey and another season, that you are there with us, in the bitter moments and in the sweet ones. Thank you that you are ever-present. Thank you for life, friends and family. AMEN.



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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Happy Birthday



Today is a very special day…it is my mum’s birthday!!! 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!!!
I am so thankful for her life and for the life that she has given and created for me over the years. She is an amazing mother, friend and confidant. My life most certainly would not be the same without her. I am thankful that another year has passed filled with life, joy and beauty and that I have gotten to spend precious moments with her.

Here are some of the things that make my mum who she is…

her strength
her love
her joy
her contagious laugh
her smile
her compassion
her forgiveness
her gentleness
her hope
her belief
her listening ears
her wisdom
her heart
her generosity
her determination
her perseverance
her courage
her bravery
her selflessness
her thankfulness for life
her hugs
her kisses
her presence (even when miles away)
her protection
her helping hands

Today I don’t get to be right next to my mummy to hug and kiss her happy birthday, but none the less here it is ma…HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I love you so very much!!! I pray that the Lord continues to bless you in the days and years that still lie ahead and may you find rest, peace, hope, faith and love in Him! You are His beloved!!! Have the most amazing day mummy, I am so thankful for your life and this beautiful day that we get to celebrate your birth!!! You are loved mummy!! Thinking of you, celebrating you, and missing you!!! xxx


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Monday, May 2, 2011

You are more

This week more than ever I have needed to be reminded that I am more…that I am more than the mistakes I have made…I am more than the choices I have made in the past…that I am more…That I am fearfully and wonderfully made…that God calls me His and that I am created in His image…that I have been remade…that I am more not because of what I have done but because of what Christ has done!!

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” – Genesis 1:27

“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” – Romans 6:4

I am so thankful for beautiful songs and for artists that put into words the thoughts of many and that reflect the heart of our God in the music they make. I heard this song a couple of weeks ago and thought it was so good, little did I realize that it would be a tool of reminding me of who God is and who I am because of Him.

I hope this speaks to your heart as much as it did mine J

Tenth Avenue North – You are More

 Have a wonderful Monday!!!


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