Written Things...

So there is something solid about something that is written…love poems…stories…the Bible…goodbye letters…in each of these there is something solid. I am someone that loves to write…I have been writing journals for years now and have boxes full of them. However, over the past few years of life my journaling has been sporadic…here and there…I have maybe made it through 4 or 5 journals over the past three years…that for me is terrible. Usually in 3 months I could go through more than 4 or 5 journals. My mum always bought me journals as well as friends, because every one knew that that was the perfect gift for me…too write away.

Writing for me has been my release my escape…my way of surrendering. However, for the past couple of years there has not been a lot of that and so I find myself here where I am today and realize that I haven’t been surrendering…releasing or processing in the way that I know is the healthiest for me. Not journaling has been another way that I have been running…another way of attempting to be in complete control. So here it is the beginning of a new season for me…a season of finding the rest that comes when I write because when I write I am not merely writing, I am letting go … forgiving … releasing … surrendering…processing but above all…I am ultimately healing!!! I don’t write merely for the enjoyment or the satisfaction of having people read it but rather writing is the way in which I allow myself to be vulnerable…I open the parts of me that not many times are opened and the parts that not many people get to share in…those hidden parts…those sacred parts…but here I am getting vulnerable because there is something beautiful that happens when we strip everything away and we are who we are … whole … broken…hurt…happy…scared…brave…ugly…beautiful…all of us is revealed when we choose to be vulnerable…because it is in that moment that we realize its not even about us but rather it is about our big and powerful and mighty God that holds us oh so gently in the palm of His hand. That when we are vulnerable His glory shines through because without Him we are nothing.

So today as I write I am thankful for the healing that is happening in me…for the grace and glory of the Lord that shines through my weaknesses…I am thankful for vulnerability and for the gift of writing. I am thankful for written things…for the solidity we find in things written…the writings that will tell of the seasons and changes in life but beyond that the written things that will remind us of the glory of our God and that through whichever written things, He remains the ultimate writer and author of everything and that what He writes is good and perfect. 

Healing...

Healing is painful…whether it is physical or emotion…it is still painful. After surgery, the recovery process is painful, your body is healing, if it’s a hip replacement, you need time to begin walking again and this process is painful. So just like physical healing, emotional healing is painful. Healing is something that I have struggled with for a large part of my life, I have been sick time and time again and believing for healing has been a challenge. I have been told I simply don’t have enough faith, as well as, that I haven’t tried the latest doctors or technologies. Regardless of what people say, I believe that my healing will come at some point.

Currently however, I am on a different type of journey of healing, I am healing emotionally. I am healing from wounds that I have kept bandaged up for a long time, and wounds I have tried to pretend are not there, until they begun infecting others parts of my being. Emotional healing is painful. There are days, well most days, that I wish I could say it wasn’t. Days when the depth of my soul cries out, but then are those days, the days of hope and sunshine, the days of knowing that this process is called healing and that I am walking in that each and every moment. These are the days that I love, these are the days that encourage not only me, but those around me, these are the days that God’s glory shines through and it is impossible to deny His existence, these are the days of healing.

I think the reason healing is so painful is because there is something that needs to be removed and that is painful, just like taking off a band aid is painful when your little, so is the removal of other things, body parts, bondage, lies, abuse, hurt, un-forgiveness, hate, anger, frustration, denial, etc. The removal is painful but in order to heal, removal is necessary. From there it is then the mending of the wound, the empty place, which then turns into a scar, which for a while, when looking at it, may still be painful BUT after time, it becomes a beautiful reminder of surviving, of fighting, of letting go, of determination, of ashes that were turned into beauty, and of the mourning that becomes joy. Healing is painful but ultimately healing is beautiful.